The Italian Man Who went to Malta
Probably the best joke about Italians:
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The script goes as follows:
The Italian man who went to Malta.
One day I went to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress “I wanna two pieces of toast.” She brings me only one piece. I tell her “I want two piece!” She say “Go to the toilet!” I say “You no understand, I want two piece on my plate!” She say “You better not piss on the table you son of a bitch!”I don’t even know the lady and she call me a son of a beach!
Later, I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings be a spoon, a knife, but no fock (fork). I tell her I wanted a fock. She tell me “Everybody wanna fuck.” I tell her “You no understand, I wanna fock on the table.” She say “You better no fuck on the table you son of a bitch!
So I go back to my room in a hotel, and there is no sheets on the bed. “Call the manager, I’m telle himm I wanna sheet.” He telle me to go to the toilet! I say “You no understand, I want a sheet on my bed!” He said “You better not shit on the bed you son of a bitch!”
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk said “Peace on you,” I said “PISS ON YOU TOO YOU SON OF A BEACH! I’M GOING BACK TO ITALIA! Arrivederci!”
And few good remakes too:
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And a techno mix:
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A muted one:
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Counter Strike version:
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10 Things NOT to say to an Italian
1. Tell them that Zidane was right.
2. Tell them that French wines, cheeses, or their cuisine are way better than the Italian ones.
3. Ask them if they are members of the mafia or know anyone who is.
4. Ask them to play the mandolin.
5. Laugh about their political situation: if they are fans of Berlusconi, they will explain to you how good he is. But if they don’t like Berlusconi they’ll go on about how bad he is. Either way, you’ll probably have to listen them talking in broken English for hours.
6. Tell an Italian woman that she gained a pound since the last time you saw her.
7. Ask for ketchup when you get your pasta.
8. Tell them that Italy never finished a war on the same side they begun it. Nor point out that the last time Italy won a war, the general was Julius Caesar.
9. When they suggest another glass of wine, suggest a long refreshing walk instead (or better yet, a glass of water!)
10. Tell them Christopher Columbus was not Italian.
😉
11. Don´t ask if the artwork they sell in the plazas is original or not.